One of the interesting aspects of planning any event is your timeline vs. everyone else’s timeline.   You decide you are going to have a wedding, party, event and you are excited and eager to share the news that you will have a special event coming up. 

After you do that, however, everyone pretty much wants to know ALL the details… RIGHT NOW.  Of course, not having planned any of it yet, you don’t have any info to give them.  You have to pick a date.  Pick a time.  Choose the plan, then figure out if it will actually work within your timeline, budget and ability.  You really don’t want to share any of this information with people until its all brought together, for the fear that the pieces won’t all align. 

You either have to give people info as you get it or hold it ALL back until all plans are finalized – and, neither really works.  If you give out piecemeal info, then people feel entitled to the rest of it (which you might not have yet), or are offended because you told so-and-so but not them.  If you wait until it’s all together, then people just get antsy and start pushing for info.  We are so used to instant information in today’s technical age that people don’t often stop to think through what it takes to pull all those details together.

The beauty of it is – its your event.  Regardless of how you choose to do it, people will deal.  And, ultimately, they will understand when they stop and think through it.  Just make sure you let them know what you are and are not giving them – set the expectation - and, you’ll be just fine.

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Different has never been easy.  Breaking the standard pattern has never been easily accepted – no matter what the concept.  

We are breaking lots of traditional elements/rules/norms in doing what we want to do with our event.  Many would think that in not following all of the ins and outs, the details, the traditional aspects, we would have it easier and there would be less to do and less stress in the overall process. 

We are finding that doing things the non-traditional route is not only more difficult, but in some ways twice as expensive and challenging to the point of frustration in many ways.  We thought we’d share some of our challenges and the solutions we came up with. 

• Challenge:  We are having our ‘ceremony’ or “I do’s” in Jamaica but all we want is a very simple 5 min gathering on the beach.  No chairs, no decor, no aisle, no shoes!  When we decided to do this, we knew that many of our loved ones would not be able to join us – that’s why we decided that our ‘wedding’ would be in Portland and that is where we wished to have our loved ones celebrate with us.  Others did not agree with us, as the importance for many of our friends and family was on seeing us actually get married.
• Answer:  We went round and round and round for a solution, but came right back to where we started and decided to stress to our family that we would be doing our vows in Portland and that even though we were getting married legally in the Caribbean, our promise to each other would be made in front of our loved ones in Oregon. 

• Challenge:  Because we are doing a party back in Portland, we are not planning a reception in Jamaica.  We do not want tables, chairs, linens and cake.  We simply want everyone to have a glass of champagne to toast and call it done.  Although we are ‘allowed’ to do this, the inclusions of so many of these elements are a part of doing a wedding at the resort.  All of the ‘perks’ given to you for staying so many days, booking a wedding, having guests come, etc are all centered around having all the trimmings.  When we ask for substitutions or changes, they are simply not available.
• Answer:  Even though it is disappointing to let go of “freebies” or added bonuses that we are gifted, we simply let go of the extras in order to have the wedding we want and not sacrificing our vision.

• Challenge:  Finding a dress for an event that is simply not your traditional wedding is not the easiest task.  All the wedding dresses look too much like the white princess wedding I don’t want – even the simple gowns.  All of the party gowns and prom dresses don’t come in white or are not very friendly to Caribbean weather.  Then, there’s the fact that we don’t just have one event, but 4 events – does that mean 4 dresses? 
• Answer:  We’ve decided to go with a collection of simple, fun dresses for the Portland events and a gown that is beach friendly (ie. cuban/hawaiin) and something we can trash if we decide the photos need it. 

• Challenge:  Our invitations need to list all of our events – Our “I Do’s” in Jamaica, and the following weekend’s collection of events – a Friday night welcome event, our main event on Saturday, a Sunday happy hour and multiple other smaller events that are happening for out-of-town guests (like wine tasting, breakfast).  How do we do that all on an Invitation much less a Save the Date?  All of the invitations allot for a certain amount of text unless we go for custom invitations.  Additionally, we need an RSVP for all of these events and that itself is a challenge.
• Answer:  We are doing both custom invites as well as routing everyone to our website where all of the additional information will be available.  We also have the ability for multiple RSVP’s on our website, with all the information we need including food preferences, number of guests/children, etc. 

• Challenge:  Doing a destination event and a local Portland celebration – and the fact that 60% of our guestlist is from out of state – We really need to send out the information for both events now so that those who want to come to Jamaica and/or both the Caribbean and Oregon can make the plans they need to in order to do that.  The question then becomes do we bother with sending Save the Dates that are just dates or do we simply send out our invitations early so that people can make their plans?  Officially, you don’t send out invites until 4-6 weeks out, but that doesn’t work when you are aksing people to fly two weekends back-to-back (one being an international flight) and folks are already pressing for information. 
• Answer:  We feel that it is classier and more formal to let people know via mail instead of sending out an email blast with all the info, or Save the Dates that don’t have all of the information that they need to make decisions.  We have decided, for better of worse, to send out invitations 6 months out with all of the events so that people can plan.  The official RSVP date will not be until about a month out, but guests can go onto the website or return the included response card whenever they would like.  We will then send reminders or make phone calls as needed. 

• Challenge:  Three main events, 6 total events.  Cost = Ouch!  We want to do things our way and make it a weekend of celebration, but you add up the costs for venues, the catering, the bar, the rentals, the details of each of those events and the price becomes insurmountable.  As a coordinator, I know our options, the costs, the creative ways around things, but that doesn’t discount the fact that 6 events means a lot of money.  When we are dealing with a budget that is relative to the same as many Oregon wedding receptions (one event).  How do we preserve our vision and still stay in budget?
• Answer:  Creative solutions!  We have taken out the costs of having multiple locations and have decided to keep many of the events in one location – our house – eleminating the need for multiple venue fees.  We will also be renting the items we need on Friday with pickup on Monday which reduces the cost of renting items for multiple events.  Not our original vision, but with a bit of creative decor, some very good event coordination and stylizing the events, we’re excited about the prospect of having 6 very fun events!

There will be many, many more challenges we face and many others we already have.   We know that each decision we make that diverges from the norm will give us its own unique challenges.  They are definately time consuming and will inevitable stretch us to the point that we have to decide whether we stick with our vision or go with the norm time and time again.  It’s a fun challenge though, so long as you let it be an exciting one instead of a frustration.

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